Okay fine, I’m not going to act like I have this whole marriage thing sorted out.
My husband left a half-eaten sandwich on the counter this morning (again) and I had to bite my tongue to keep from igniting World War III over processed lunch meat. But here’s what I discovered, marriage is not about never wanting to yell into a pillow. It’s about picking each other even when you really don’t want to.
So, as we’re heading into 2026, here’s what actually moves the needle–not the instagrammable fluff, but the real habits that prevent you from reverting back to roommate status arguing about whose turn it is to take out the trash.
1. Quit Attempting to Repair Everything
Here’s where the majority of us screw it up–someone we care about is distressed, so we jump into problem-solving mode. I used to do whole office hours. He’d come home frustrated about work and before he could even finish talking I’d be rattling off solutions like some life coach he didn’t hire.
Turns out? He didn’t want solutions. He wanted me to simply… hear.
Everyone ought to be rapid to hear, tardy to speak and tardy to anger. — James 1:19
Try saying “that sounds really hard” instead of “have you tried…” and see what happens.
2. Have a Weekly Check-In
My friend Rachel mentioned this to me and I thought it sounded awful—like turning your marriage into a business meeting. But were were arguing over the silliest stuff. Whose mom are we visiting. Did you get the electric bill. Why is there no coffee creamer.
So, we began doing 20 minutes every Sunday night. We walk out the week, discuss finances, determine who’s responsible for what. And it liberated the remainder of our time together. We weren’t on a logistical hamster wheel anymore.
3. Do the Thing They Hate Doing
What does your wife hate doing? For my hubby, it’s emptying the dishwasher. For me, that’s taking the garbage to the curb.
Not with selfish ambition or vain glory. But instead, in humility, consider others as more important than yourselves. — Philippians 2:3
Once a week I empty that dishwasher with no comment. He takes out the trash without me asking. These little moments of service accumulate a lot more than pricey presents or elaborate romantic gestures.
4. In fact, schedule the fun or it won’t occur
Between work and family, fun is invariably the first thing to get bumped. We kept going “we should do a date night” yet we did nothing about it.
So now it’s calendared. Every other Friday. Non-negotiable. Sometimes it’s fancy—dinner out. Sometimes it’s cheap–wandering through Target acting like we have to have another throw pillow (we don’t).
A merry heart is excellent medicine. — Proverbs 17:22
5. Learn to Argue Without Destroying Each Other
You’re going to fight. And anyone who tells you different is a liar.
But there’s constructive conflict and the kind that sprays emotional shrapnel everywhere. Now we have guidelines: No name calling, no dredging up ancient history and if either of us says ‘I need a break’ we take 20 minutes to de-stress.
Also—say the actual issue you’re upset about. If I’m snapping about dishes, I’m likely really pissed off about feeling unappreciated.
6. Put Your Phone Down
Our phones are wrecking intimate relationships.
Last month I abandoned myself to scrolling through Instagram as my husband was attempting to narrate his day. I was nodding, but I was not there. He called me on it and he was right to.
Protect your heart with all diligence, for it is the source of life. — Proverbs 4:23
We established a phone rule, phones in another room at dinner and for the first 30 minutes after we’re both home. It seemed like detox initially, but now it’s when we really connect.
7. Pray together, even if it’s weird.
My husband and I did not pray together during the first three years of marriage. It felt too vulnerable somehow. But when we were struggling financially, we began praying together at bedtime.
Just simple stuff. God, we’re stressed. Help us figure this out. Thank you for each other.”
Though someone is overpowered, two can resist. A three cord is not soon broken. — Ecclesiastes 4:12
There’s something about confessing that you don’t have it all together–not just to your wife but to God with your wife–that forms a different type of intimacy.
Here’s the Truth
Noone’s marriage is like the movies. No one’s wife or husband is faultless, not you either.
But if you’re prepared to do the hard, unsexy work—listening when you’d rather talk, serving when you’d rather be served—you can create a thing not only that survives but actually thrives.
Make 2026 your best year yet together. Pick one from this list. Just one.
